Birthday Suit
by waiting4morning
Summary: Iruka is forced to the hospital after a sparring match and gets more than he bargained for when Shizune decides to examine him. Featuring het!Iruka. Oneshot
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: No one else on this website owns Naruto, so why should I be any different?

A/N: Props as always to beta buddy and fellow het!Iruka fan **singeivoire** for the help on getting this fic out. Seriously folks, there needs to be more love for this pairing. They're adorable!

* * *

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—" Naruto babbled as he half dragged, half carried Iruka up the walk toward the Konoha Hospital Emergency Room entrance.

"Naruto, I'm fine, there's no need to go to the hospital—ugh!" Iruka's protest ended in a gasp of pain, and he doubled over, sweat dripping down his nose and running along the scar bisecting his face.

"Iruka-sensei!"

Naruto slung one of Iruka's arms over his shoulders, and Iruka was again dimly surprised by how tall he'd gotten in his training with the Toad Sage. Naruto started to lean down as if to grab his legs, and Iruka stood up straight despite the feeling that a kunai was twisting his guts into mincemeat. There was absolutely no way that he'd let _anyone_—let alone a former student—carry him _anywhere_.

"I'll walk in," he said through gritted teeth. Naruto looked worried, but he didn't try to pick up his former teacher again as they limped through the hospital double doors. The ER was surprisingly calm for a ninja village—only a few pale, wincing shinobi lined the row of plastic chairs in the waiting room, plus one civilian flipping through a magazine. Then Iruka spotted the last two people he wanted to see: Kotetsu and Izumo sat on either side of a sullen-looking man in a prison jumpsuit. A bloody bandage was wrapped around what looked like a screwdriver imbedded in the man's thigh. The two chuunin glanced up as Iruka hobbled in and both sets of eyebrows skyrocketed with interest.

"Oi, where're the doctors?" Naruto bellowed as soon as they cleared the doors. "Sakura-chaaaaan! Tsunade-baachaaan!"

Iruka closed his fist around Naruto's jacket, intent upon pummeling him into silence, but another stab of white-hot pain in his abdomen erased the thought, and for a moment it was all he could do not to retch on the polished hospital floor.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto guided him toward one of the plastic chairs and bolted toward the front of the room where a familiar dark-haired kunoichi was just entering from the main part of the hospital. Iruka saw Naruto gesturing wildly back at his former Academy teacher, and the woman in the purple kimono followed.

"I'm fine, really, Shizune-san," Iruka said with an attempt at a smile as the Hokage's assistant leaned over him, a concerned frown twisting her mouth.

"I didn't mean to hit him so hard, neechan," Naruto said in an apologetic tone, wringing his hands. Behind him, Iruka heard Kotetsu and Izumo snigger like a pair of schoolboys.

"Why don't I take you to an examining room, Iruka-san," Shizune said with a small smile. "You can tell me what happened there."

* * *

Iruka couldn't help the groan that slipped from his mouth as he sat on the examining table. The pain wasn't any worse—he didn't know if it could get any worse—but it was agony just to move.

"Okay, what happened?" Shizune asked, eyeing Naruto suspiciously.

"We were just sparring," Naruto said, with a guilty shuffle of his feet. "I got under Iruka-sensei's guard and made a jab at his stomach. I didn't think I hit him that hard, but he fell over, sort of yelling and crying and—"

"I wasn't crying!" Iruka protested, feeling heat creep across his face. "Naruto didn't hit me very hard, but I… well, I haven't been feeling very good this week, so I guess my stomach was a little sensitive."

Shizune's dark brows drew together. "Hmm. No ninjutsu or genjutsu in the match? Just taijutsu?"

Iruka and Naruto nodded.

"Okay. Off with the vest then. Let's see what's going on."

Iruka shrugged out of his flak vest and lay back on the examining table, the cool plastic somewhat soothing to his heated skin.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Here." Iruka pulled up his dark blue shirt and held a hand gingerly over his lower abdomen, under and to the right of his belly button.

"Hmm." Shizune began prodding his stomach with slender fingers, working her way down until Iruka had to bite his lip to keep from yelling. Her fingers seemed gentle until they reached one spot and then suddenly it was as if a thousand shuriken were embedded in his stomach.

"I don't think you should do that, neechan," Naruto said uneasily.

"Why not?" Shizune looked up.

"Cause he looks like he's about to puke all over you."

"Am... not," Iruka managed to gasp, scowling.

"This could be serious," Shizune said with a frown. She turned and began rummaging through drawers, eventually coming up a scroll, several pieces of sealing paper, and a bottle of ink.

"Naruto-kun, this procedure is going to take some room," Shizune said, setting her load down on the counter. "Could you wait outside?"

"Sure, neechan. You'll fix him up, right?" Naruto seemed close to wringing his hands again.

"That's a promise," she smiled, and slid the door shut behind him.

"He sure cares about you," she said with laughter in her eyes as she looked over at Iruka.

Iruka rubbed the side of his finger against the scar on his nose; an old habit. "He's developed a bit of a mother hen attitude, to be honest. After this he'll be worse. It's bad enough that he already thinks I can't take a hit."

Shizune chuckled, and started digging through drawers again, finally emerging with a writing brush. It was then Iruka noticed that she wasn't wearing her typical everyday kimono, but a nice one with tiny white flowers embroidered on it and... Shizune looked up, caught him staring at her, and blushed.

"What?"

"You're wearing makeup," he blurted in surprise.

Shizune's blush deepened, and she busied herself with unscrewing the cap on the bottle of ink before she replied. "If you must know, it's my birthday today. Sakura-chan, Kurenai-chan, and Anko-san are throwing a surprise party for me tonight."

"How is it a surprise party if you already know about it?" Iruka watched as Shizune dipped the brush in the ink and began writing a series of complicated medical seals on each of the paper tags.

Shizune grinned. "Oh they've tried to keep it secret, but honestly, it's like they're not even ninja when they plan a party. But I'll let them think they've succeeded... I just wanted to look nice for it tonight." She waved a few of the tags so the glossy black ink would dry faster and began plastering them on the four corners of the examining table.

"You shouldn't be working on your birthday," Iruka frowned. He knew from working in the mission assignments office that Tsunade overworked the brown-haired kunoichi, but he'd never heard her complain once.

Shizune shrugged, adjusting one of the tags so it lay flat. "I was going to leave early today, but then you walked in."

Iruka grimaced. "Guess that makes me a jerk."

Shizune chuckled. "Nah, just your appendix."

"My appendix?"

"Yep. I'm pretty sure that's what your problem is, but this jutsu will confirm it and should tell me whether you need surgery or not. Hopefully it'll be just an infection that antibiotics and a couple of rounds of medical ninjutsu will clear up. Okay, shirt and pants off."

"What?!"

Shizune gestured with her brush impatiently. "I need a clear line of skin to make the rest of the seal. It doesn't work on clothing."

Iruka sat up slowly to avoid bending his stomach more than necessary, and considered the situation. Ninja had been on teams of three with one almost always being female (the infamous Inoichi-Shikaku-Chouza trio had been one of the few exceptions) for generations. Even Iruka's genin team had started out with a girl—until she'd been killed on their first B-ranked mission. The unspoken lesson teammates learned were that kunoichi were ninja, not females really, and if a mission called for situations where they would have to sleep in close proximity or even change clothing together, then it would be done quickly and efficiently with no lapsing into the traditional roles of modesty.

But Iruka hadn't been part of a three-man squad since before he became an Academy teacher, and if he was perfectly honest with himself, he couldn't dismiss Shizune as just another kunoichi...

He pulled his shirt off, kicked off his sandals, and then hesitated, not looking at the medical kunoichi.

Shizune rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll start with your torso, but after that you'll take your pants off or I'll do it for you."

Iruka tried not to squirm as the cold, tickly brush worked quickly over his chest, writing squiggles in black ink.

"Okay, now your pants."

"But—"

Shizune got a glint in her eye that reminded Iruka of the Hokage.

"I won't ask again, Iruka-san. Take off your pants!"

"No!"

To Iruka's astonishment, she grabbed hold of the extra fabric around his calves and yanked. Iruka held tight to his belt loops, but Shizune just gritted her teeth and pulled harder.

"Give me your pants!" she shouted, accenting each word with an even stronger jerk than before.

"No! You can't have them!" Iruka grunted, but then Shizune gave an almighty tug and with a startled yelp, Iruka flew right off the examining table straight at her.

"Ow, my head…"

Iruka opened his eyes and immediately felt scarlet heat rush to the roots of his hair. He'd managed to throw out his arms to avoid crushing Shizune and—more importantly—his still throbbing stomach. But he was also right on top of her; so close that he could count the freckles adorning her nose.

"Urrrmm…."

He had time for no more than a gurgled sound in his throat when the door to the room slid open.

"I thought I heard shouting—OH!" Sakura's mouth dropped open as she took in Iruka and Shizune's position on the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt—"

"No, it's n-not what it looks like, Sakura-chan!" Shizune said, her face as red as Sakura's shirt. "I j-just need his pants, that all."

Sakura stared and then started to giggle. "Honestly, senpai, I know it's your birthday, but couldn't you get a nicer place than the hospital?" While Iruka and Shizune struggled to right themselves (made slower by the stabbing pain in Iruka's stomach) and protest at the same time, Sakura looked down the hall toward something they couldn't see. "Ton-Ton! I found her. She's fine. In fact, more than fine, I should say. Ha!"

The small pink pig stuck her nose around the door with an inquisitive "Oink?" and seemed to take in the scene very quickly.

"OINK!"

Iruka hadn't been aware that pigs could glare, but the jealous malevolence he saw in the small nin-pig's eyes was enough to make him gulp.

"Ton-Ton, no," Shizune gasped, "he's not doing anything—"

"OOIIIIINK!"

Pain exploded across his abdomen as the little pig made contact and blackness flickered in the corners of his eyes. Before he passed out, Iruka thought it was just as well, for he probably really would have started crying if he remained conscious.

The next thing he was aware of was the distant hum of an air conditioner. Iruka opened his eyes to find a worried, whiskered face peering at him.

"Iruka-sensei!" the face bawled happily. "You're awake!"

"What..." his voice was raspy, his tongue felt as dry as a chalkboard eraser. "Water?" he managed this time. Naruto disappeared from his line of sight for a moment while Iruka took stock of himself. He was in a hospital room but not the examining room from before, and he was in bed, wearing a standard floral-patterned hospital gown. Feeling more awake, he attempted to sit up and to his surprise only felt the mildest of twinges from his abdomen. Naruto reentered that moment with a cup of cold water, which Iruka gulped until his tongue no longer felt like the cardboard kunai that very young children sometimes played with.

"What happened?" he said lowering the cup at last.

"Heh, well, I'm not sure of the details," Naruto said with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck, "After Shizune kicked me out, I went to Ichiraku and when I got back, they told me that Ton-Ton ruptured your appendix, or something like that." Naruto shrugged. "You were in surgery when I got back."

"Surgery!" Iruka looked down the gaping neck of his hospital gown. Sure enough, a small gauze bandage was resting next to his hip on his lower stomach. And furthermore…

"Damn it! She got my pants!"

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Whaaaat?"

Iruka gulped, feeling heat creep up his neck. "Um, Shizune-san and I were, uh… having a…"

Naruto suddenly got a sly look across his face. "Say no more, Iruka-sensei. I've heard all about it."

"No, no! It's not like that! She took my pants! I tried to stop her, but she's a lot stronger than she looks, and she grabbed—"

"Iruka-sensei, I'm a minor! Shouldn't you be telling this to Pervy Sage or something? I'd bet he'd love a story like this—he'd call it research."

Iruka sunk back into his pillow and covered his face with his hands. "Never mind."


	2. Omake!

**Omake!**

In case you don't know, omakes are those silly little bits after the end of an anime episode. Singeiviore and I like to think of them as DVD extras. More props to singeivoire for writing this one.

* * *

Shizune lifted aside the curtain to the restaurant booth, an expression of happy surprise ready on her face. It melted away as she took in what awaited her. Sakura, Anko, Kurenai, and Tsunade herself were flanking a cake the size of a table. It was lavender with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" piped on it in lurid green frosting.

"Happy birthday, Shizune!" Kurenai's grin didn't look entirely innocent.

"Happy birthday, senpai!" Even Sakura had an evil gleam in her eye.

"Um, hi – thanks. What – what's with the cake?"

"Oh, this?" Tsunade used her most business-like tone. "This is your birthday present – from all of us. _I_ was going to get you a book on experimental medical ninjutsu and its role in the broader political arena, but Sakura tells us these days your interests are running along more… exciting courses."

"That's a very big cake." Shizune glanced between the four other women, a worried frown wrinkling her forehead.

"Yes, yes it is," Anko cackled, waggling her eyebrows.

"Yes, senpai, and we think you'll really like the… flavor." Sakura crossed her arms across her chest, not hiding the mischief in her expression.

"We couldn't recruit Iruka, unfortunately, seeing as he just got out of surgery." Kurenai gave an apologetic head shake.

"Wait—there's someone in—who did you put in the cake?" Shizune backed up a step.

"Actually, I suggested Ibiki Morino seeing as you apparently have a thing for scars, but he's out on a mission." Anko's voice was uncomfortably loud and chock full of insinuations.

"Yes, and unfortunately we couldn't talk Kakashi-sensei into foregoing his mask—even for such an occasion as your birthday." Sakura grinned.

"But _I_ was able to find someone." Tsunade looked altogether too pleased with herself.

"Oh yes, and he was very enthusiastic about it, really." Sakura nodded her assent.

"How do you feel," Anko leaned over the table and glanced at the cake, eyes sparkling, "about _older men_, Shizune?"

"Wha – I – who?" Shizune picked up Ton-Ton and held the pig in her arms like a shield. Ton-Ton gave a worried squeal.

"And white hair—do you like white hair?" Tsunade's business-like tone was almost worse than Anko's insinuations.

"How about toads? You're an animal lover, right?" Kurenai gestured toward the pig in Shizune's arms.

"Holy shit!" Shizune's eyes grew wide with terror. Ton-Ton squealed—possibly mirroring her master's emotions, possibly because Shizune was squeezing her in her distress. "No! I'm—ack!" She passed her horrified gaze over the enormous purple confection one final time before wheeling on her heel and fleeing through the curtain.

The pink-haired apprentice reached over and gave the Hokage an enthusiastic high-five. The Hokage waited until Shizune's footsteps couldn't be heard in the hallway anymore before rapping on the side of the hollow purple cake.

"Gai?"

"Hai, Tsunade-sama!" came the muffled reply.

"You're off the hook."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama!"

There was a brief pause before the muffled voice was heard again. "Tsunade-sama?"

"Yes?"

"Should I come out now?"

Tsunade glanced at the other women, eyes wide, and as one they made a mad dash for the curtained exit.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

A/N: This is a sequel of sorts to 'Birthday Suit', of course. Takes place a few weeks after the first story. Mega props to singeivoire for helping me escape when I write myself into a corner. She wrote a couple of paragraphs for me when I got stuck. 3

* * *

"What's wrong with letting the little rats celebrate a birthday party?" Tsunade slurred, waving her hand a little too near a stack of papers on her desk. A few pages slithered to the floor.

Umino Iruka shifted on his feet. Meeting personally with the Hokage when she was sober was bad enough but drunk?

"With all due respect, Tsunade-sama, I hardly think that Konohamaru's birthday should be a village-wide celebration… But besides this, my classroom is not the place for a party—"

"Bah!" Tsunade spluttered, knocking a few more sheets to the floor. " 'S'only place for a partd… pahhhrr… a shindig. Keeps the youngsters—_hiccup_—in one place. Not out on th' streets. 'S bad idea. Verrry bad."

Feeling desperate now, Iruka locked his hands behind his back, so he wouldn't have them clenched in front of the unstable Hokage. "If they have party there, I have to be there, Tsunade-sama, and there's just no way that one lone nin like myself can keep a bunch of prepubescent teens under control." And, he thought bitterly, the other Academy teachers were bound to be conveniently away on missions or suddenly contract mysterious illnesses

Tsunade eyed him over her precariously leaning stack of paperwork, her eyes shrewd behind the glassy drunkenness. "Then what're you doin' teaching' at th'Academy, Iruka-_sensei?_"

_Damn_. Iruka flinched and fished around for another excuse. None was forthcoming. Oh sure he could plead illness or injury—fake or otherwise—and not have to attend Konohamaru's big birthday bash. What was so special about thirteen anyway? But then again, if he didn't oversee the party, he might very well come back to a pile of rubble, not an Academy building…

"SHIZUNE!"

Iruka jerked back in surprise and the stack of papers on Tsunade's desk toppled to the floor in a flurry of white.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama!" The Hokage's assistant rushed through the door. Iruka avoided her eye, feeling heat creep up the back of his neck. He'd seen Shizune around the village in the month after his appendix surgery, but not for any length of time, so really the last substantial memory he had of her was her hands clinging to his pants as she tried to yank them off…

"I'm—_hiccup_—givin' you a mission," announced the Hokage magnanimously.

"A mission?" Shizune's tone of voice faded to wariness as she undoubtedly took in the Hokage's behavior and Iruka's despondent expression.

"Yesh… You and Iruka-chan—"

Iruka winced at the childish honorific. He was beginning to miss the regular, scary, but sober Hokage.

"—will attend the Honorable Brat's birthday party to provide moral uptightness—"

"Don't you mean, 'uprightness'?" Shizune offered timidly.

Tsunade narrowed her hazel eyes. "I said 'uptightness' and that's what I mean! You know, prudery and… and no pervious—"

"I think she means 'perverted'," Iruka said out of the corner of his mouth to Shizune.

"—behavior! That sort of schmoo. Sheesh! Where was I?"

"Moral uptightness."

"Ah yes. You will provide moral uptightness so the youngins' don't get into any mischieffffs. Now lemme alone. I'm out of saké."

"But Tsunade-sama—"

Iruka grabbed Shizune from the path of the paperweight that Tsunade lobbed at her, and they both beat a hasty retreat from the office.

"So when is Konohamaru-kun's birthday party?" Shizune said when they reached the relative safety of the hallway.

"Tomorrow night," Iruka said with a sigh. "No school tomorrow, thank goodness. I'd better go to the Academy tonight and clear away the desks… or anything breakable."

"Want help?" Shizune tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "My shift is over at the hospital. I'm on call, but I should still be able to get some work done."

"Yeah, that'd great! Thanks!" Iruka said, brightening. The task didn't seem so daunting now. Two pairs of hands were better than one after all. The fact that Shizune was single, pretty, and they would be alone had nothing whatsoever to do with his lightened mood. Yeah.

Their walk to the Academy was companionable in the cool breeze of Konoha's winter. Iruka recalled a humorous incident from the classroom the week before, and Shizune mentioned a story from when she and Tsuande had traveled together in the early days of her apprenticeship.

"… and so the man—a full two meters tall—glared at Tsunade-sama like he'd never been refused before.

I tapped her on the shoulder. 'Tsuande-sama, shouldn't we leave?'

'Get lost, little girl,' the man growled. 'This is an adult discussion. Pint-sized though she is, I promise not to hurt her," he sneered.

I looked up at him with surprise. 'Sir,' I said, 'I'm not worried about my lady's safety. It's yours!'"

Iruka laughed. "I take it he learned his lesson the hard way?"

"The crater where he landed was still there when we traveled back through the same town a few weeks later," Shizune mused with a smile.

Iruka chuckled again as he unlocked the door to the Academy. The room was dark and silent, oddly so, it seemed to Iruka. The school was meant to be filled with life, the noise of students learning to be shinobi. He flicked on the lights.

"I wish I'd had the opportunity to travel like you," he said, gathering chairs from their overturned positions on the desks. "Even when I was still on a three-man squad, we always got missions within the Fire Country. Then I became a teacher and that was that." He shrugged and carried the stack of chairs he'd accumulated to shove against the wall.

He heard a stifled sound from Shizune and looked over at her. She jumped when she saw him looking and stuffed something behind her back.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" She said too quickly. Iruka folded his arms across his chest.

"Shizune-san, really. I've been a teacher for four and a half years now. I can smell a rat a mile away."

She laughed, cheeks pink, and brought out her hand from behind her back. She held a fistful of papers that appeared to have crude drawings on them in the unmistakable style of a youngster who's having too much fun to actually care what it looks like.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-san, but when I saw them poking out of the desk, I couldn't resist a peek."

Iruka glanced at the desk in question: Konohamaru's. He looked at the drawings Shizune still held out with new trepidation and took them, almost reluctantly, from her hand.

The top one was of Iruka lecturing at the front while all of the students snoozed. A little speech bubble above his cartoon-self's head said, "Blah, blah, blah and other boring stuff."

The second was more lively; a picture of Iruka laying on the floor in a mangled heap while someone, presumably Konohamaru, tried out his version of Naruto's "sexy no jutsu."

"Well…" Iruka said, clearing his throat and hoping in vain that his face wasn't as red as it felt. "I'm glad he's going to be a ninja, not an artist."

"Some of them aren't that bad," Shizune said, coming to stand beside him. "I like the one of you in the pirate hat…"

Iruka suddenly forgot what his arms were for. Shizune had leaned in very close to flip through the pages, close enough that a strand of her hair was almost touching his cheek. She smelled like jasmine and hospital soap.

He should do something or say something. Yeah, say something charming and witty and calculated to bring an admiring laugh.

"I like pirates," he blurted out.

But Shizune apparently hadn't heard him; she backed away, hand going to her waist, and Iruka heard the beep of her pager.

"I'm sorry to leave so soon, Iruka-san, but there's a team coming in from a mission and they have injuries, maybe severe. Looks like they might need an extra hand for surgery."

"Of course. Don't worry about it. Good luck," he said with a smile that felt more like a grimace. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

She paused in the act of exiting the sliding door to the classroom and poked her head back in. "It's a date," she grinned.

* * *

Iruka had handled many unexpected things in his four years as Academy instructor. Kids vomiting in the middle of class, jutsus gone haywire, rampant disobedience, hundreds of them going through the first awful stages of puberty at the same time, and he managed to take it all with the nerves of steel and will of fire that Konoha shinobi were known for.

"IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON WALKING ON THE CEILING—!" Iruka's bellowing was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. The last few errant ceiling-walkers nimbly hopped from the ceiling to the floor, though how they found a place to land with all the people crowding around was amazing.

"What?" He turned when the tapping resumed, eyebrow twitching.

"Iruka-sensei, I don't feel so good," said a green-faced Udon, supported by Moegi.

_Great. _"What happened?"

Moegi shook her head. "Nothing! We were just playing parachute when he started moaning about his stomach."

_Parachute?_ Iruka decided it was better not to ask. "What did you eat?"

Udon looked even greener as Moegi rattled off a list of grease-saturated foods that someone had had catered in for the party.

Iruka sighed. "No wonder you're sick. Moegi-chan, get a chair for him on the side and have him sit down. If you see Shizune-san, tell her what's wrong." He glanced at Udon's white lips. "But get a trash can for him first." He clapped the boy on the shoulder. "Better out than in."

He glanced around the room, glad that he'd thought to drape the chalkboard with a roll of huge paper. The idea had been to dissuade the party-goers from writing lewd, ridiculous messages on the chalkboard and encourage their creative bent toward birthday messages and well-wishes to Konohamaru. So far it seemed to have worked.

He wondered where Shizune had gotten to. Earlier he had noticed that a bunch of the young girls had latched onto her, dragging her into some sort of game involving a blindfold, an egg, and six very giggly girls. They were nowhere in sight now. Iruka glanced back at the classroom… they seemed reasonably well-behaved at the moment.

He exited the classroom and trotted down the hall, stopping at the closets and empty classrooms to evict older party-goers who had escaped for a bit of… one-on-one party time.

"Okay, out! And no finding another closet to hide in; I _will_ find you." Iruka shooed a couple of sheepish, disheveled students out of a broom cupboard and closed the door after them. He finished that hallway, but turning a corner to finish his rounds in the next, he suddenly and inexplicably lost his footing. His feet slipped out from under him, and he was forced to grab the wall before he completely tumbled on to his behind.

"Look out!" A keening adolescent cry reverberated down the hallway. No sooner had Iruka caught his balance than Konohamaru rocketed down the hallway toward his teacher, his scarf streaking out behind him like the tail of a comet. He was running—no, he was _sliding_ down the hallway at such a rate that Iruka had to channel chakra to his hand on the wall to keep from getting bowled over as the boy passed. A crowd of students was at the opposite end of the hallway, cheering and groaning as the birthday boy collided with the far wall and fell in a greasy heap.

Gingerly, Iruka leaned over to get a fingerful of the grease-slick that Konohamaru had left behind. He felt a vein tick in his temple as he took a tentative whiff of the stuff. "What did you—is this—what _is_ this stuff?"

"Lard!" A kid with a side ponytail held up a partially empty tin of fat triumphantly over her head. "We found it in the mess hall!"

"And _greasing up the hallway_ to _slide down it_ seemed like a good idea HOW?" On each word Iruka's voice rose slightly in volume. The hallway quieted instantly, and the girl lowered the can of lard, the smile gone from her face.

"CLEAN. IT. UP. _NOW_." The severity of Iruka's tone was somewhat undermined by the fact that he was still trying not to fall over in the lard-slicked hallway. All the same, it did the job as the kids scrambled to the janitor's closet.

The greasy, chastened students morosely filled up several buckets of mostly soap. There were some shenanigans with the resultant bubbles, but Iruka managed to look cross enough to squelch the horseplay before it got out of hand. After seeing that the cleanup effort was well underway, Iruka resumed his search for the still-absent Shizune. Surely nothing good was going on if she was waylaid for this long. Finally, he arrived at his office and slid the door open. Sure enough, Shizune was within, draped over the small couch he had crammed into a tiny corner. Arms and legs akimbo, she looked like someone had simply tossed her into the room without looking, and by sheer luck she had hit the couch.

"Shizune-san?" She didn't respond. Iruka walked over.

"Shizune?" He said again, and her eyes snapped open.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" She tried to stand up and promptly fell forward. Iruka caught her and sat her back down on the couch.

"You okay?" he said, laughing.

Shizune rubbed her eyes. "I was dreaming that Tsunade-sama was yelling for me." She yawned and blushed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have abandoned you like that, but those girls wore me out. I had to escape for a few minutes… I didn't mean to fall asleep." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, fighting another yawn. "But I had a late surgery last night and then had to get up early to do some paperwork at the office, so I'm a little…" the yawn escaped, "a little tired."

"It's okay," Iruka said, rubbing his own face tiredly. "I know how you feel. Just sitting here is enough to make me realize how exhausted I am."

"We should… get… up…" murmured Shizune, her head lolling back on the couch cushion.

"Mmm hmm." Iruka fiddled with a button on his vest. This was it. An opportunity….

"Shizune…san?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you… I mean, I would understand if you didn't want to, after all I wouldn't if I was you… wait! That's not what I meant…ah… doyouwannagooutwithme?" The words escaped Iruka in a rush.

"Mmm hmm," Shizune murmured and, then leaned over until her head was resting against his shoulder.

_This,_ Iruka thought, _is possibly the best moment of my life._ He didn't dare move, for fear of waking her up again. He'd give her a few more minutes… and if his hand slipped around her waist, it was only so she wouldn't fall off the couch. Yeah, that's it.

* * *

"I don't think this is a good idea," muttered Udon, sniffing.

"Oh hush, Udon-kun," Moegi said with a giggle as Konohamaru methodically set out his markers in front of the huge strip of paper that Iruka-sensei had hung over the chalkboard.

"Oh no. This is the best idea ever." Konohamaru closed his eyes and pictured the scene he had just witnessed. He then cracked his knuckles, uncapped a marker and got to work.

* * *

Shizune woke up suddenly, as though someone had said her name. The first thing she clapped eyes on was blonde hair, narrowed eyes, and way too much cleavage_._

"Aaaaaaugh!" Shizune flailed, smacking a face next to her. The face groaned. Shizune shrieked again. "Iruka-san!" Remembering the scene she had woken up to, Shizune shot off the couch. "Tsunade-sama!"

"Wha-whuu…" Iruka squinted and groaned in pain. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the Hokage, and he too shot off the couch. "Tsunade-hime! We were just… it was only… how long have you… what time is it?" Iruka finally seemed to settle on a question and checked his watch.

"I've sent the cretins home, if that's what you're wondering." Tsunade leaned back and folded her arms across her chest. She seemed… unsettlingly calm about the whole situation. Shizune checked her hair and smoothed her clothes self-consciously, almost expecting to be missing a limb. Calm Tsunade was not typical—and possibly dangerous.

"I'm sorry—we didn't intend t-to fall asleep. Forgive us pl—" Shizune's apologies and conciliatory bow were cut off by a lazy wave of Tsunade's hand.

"You will make it up to me shortly." Tsunade's enigmatic comment sent a flutter through Shizune's gut. "For now, why don't you follow me?"

Iruka and Shizune meekly followed after the Hokage, shooting glances at one another down the hallway. Their common predicament made the space between them tingle with awkwardness.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Shizune muttered out of the side of her mouth.

"I tried! You wouldn't wake up!" Iruka looked as nervous as Shizune felt. They rounded a corner, and he scowled, muttering something about "lard skiing." Shizune wasn't paying too much attention as she found herself distracted by the way his frowning forehead crinkled the scar on his nose.

"Try harder next time!" Shizune hissed, then flushed as she caught the insinuation in that _next time._

Iruka, too, grew a little pinker and shot Shizune a glance. "What do you think she's going to do to us?" He whispered, but Tsunade had sharp hearing.

"Oh, _I'm_ not going to do _anything _to you." Tsunade shot over her shoulder. Her followers glanced at one another again and clammed up.

In short order, they reached their destination: Iruka's classroom. Shizune felt as if her stomach was full of mud and rubber bands—wiggly ones. Tsunade flipped on the light and stood back to allow Shizune and Iruka to take in the full spectacle of the room.

Torn streamers and chewed up styrofoam cups littered the floor. Desks that had been neatly pushed up against walls were now stacked in precarious towers to make way for—judging by the mess—a herd of stampeding rhinos. Iruka's teaching desk was literally on its side, spilling papers all over the sticky post-party floor, and someone had had the bright idea of throwing pencils at the ceiling so that they would stick in the tiles.

The coup de grace, though, was over the chalkboard. The paper which Iruka had set up was not only cluttered with student signatures – it now held an enormous, lurid mural of none other than the two errant babysitters asleep on the job. Not only was the caricature of Shizune drooling while Iruka unconsciously leered at her; in this, his magnum opus, Konohamaru had also gone to the trouble of depicting the dreams of both sleeping adults in large bubbles above their heads. Iruka had apparently been dreaming of barbeque, but Shizune's dream was a bit more… questionable. Shizune could feel blood creeping into her cheeks.

"So, what do you think? I think that the artist show real promise. I may ask him to let me hang it in my office for a while. To spread the word about his talent, of course…" Tsunade was positively crowing. Shizune felt ready to sink between the floorboards.

"I—I promise, Iruka-san. I was NOT dreaming… that…just now." Shizune stammered and averted her eyes, catching the happy-cat expression on Tsunade's face in the process.

Iruka cleared his throat. "I, on the other hand, am pretty sure I really _was_ dreaming of food just now." He glanced at Shizune, an amused twinkle in his eye. "But I can't make any promises…"

"You're _laughing _at this?" Shizune was forever amazed by how quickly her embarrassment could turn into rage. She checked herself when she saw that Iruka too had turned a deep fuchsia color.

"Shizune-san. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying." A sly, embarrassed smirk tweaked the corner of his lips.

"That's the spirit, kid!" Tsunade strode over to the board and deftly unhooked the paper from the board, rolling it into a tight, brightly colored baton. She tapped him on the shoulder with it as she passed. "You know, sometimes I forget what a prankster you were, Iruka. Considering the stuff you used to pull, I'd say you're getting your just desserts."

The Hokage reached the door, stopped and then turned back to Shizune, hand on her hip. "One more thing, just do us all a favor and kiss the man already, 'kay? All this playing back and forth and moping about having no dates is getting on my nerves."

"Tsunade-sama!" squeaked Shizune, eyes wide and face red.

"That's an order!"

The door slid shut behind her and absolute silence fell in the room. Shizune risked a glance at Iruka when she couldn't stand the quiet any more. He was biting his lip, looking from her to the door and back.

"W-what's wrong?"

"Well, you don't... it's not necessary to—y'know—follow orders in this situation. Unless you want to." Iruka was beginning to ramble—looking adorably sheepish. "I mean, I _love _following orders. But I'll understand if you don't..." Shizune took a couple of steps toward the blathering teacher. "I mean you don't have to, well, I mean—GOSH this place is a mess." he said, crossing his arms and turning suddenly to the rest of the room.

Shizune covered the last two feet between them with a burst of impulsiveness. Reaching toward the adorable, dithering man, Shizune took hold of his chin and wrenched Iruka's attention back to the matter at hand.

"Actually," Shizune said, stepping up and cupping his face between her hands, "I have every intention of following orders."

-end-


End file.
